The last two weeks I have talked to you about some things that we usually avoid thinking about because make us feel fragile.
In one of them he told you that you are vulnerableBy the mere fact of being born, we can hurt ourselves physically and emotionally and other people can too. For many people, vulnerability is synonymous with weakness, for me not.
I think that from our vulnerability our strength is born, because it makes us understand the value of little things … like breathing, walking, enjoying with our loved ones or dedicating an entire afternoon to ourselves. If we weren’t vulnerable, we wouldn’t take care of ourselves, we wouldn’t take care of ourselves.
In the other article I was talking about the uncertainty and how the times we are living in are full of uncertainty. Actually I believe that life is always like this, only that our technology and planning make us believe that we control everything. This erroneous belief makes us suffer when we cannot foresee what is going to happen.
In one of those articles I told you that you are a diamond, that the adversities and crises that you have experienced have made you stronger. And that inner strength is the resilience.
The word resilience is much more than a set of letters, it is actually an attitude that we maintain in life.
THE PROCESS OF BECOMING RESILIENT
Perhaps it is a mystery to you how we can become stronger within ourselves to face bad times with a positive attitude and growth. Do not worry, I have reflected a lot on this subject and I am going to show you the map that leads you to resilience.
Step 1 – Coping with adversity or crisis: This first step usually brings life to us, all we have to do is stay in that adversity, that is the great challenge. The adversities of life are what I call “resilience catalysts” because they have the ability to accelerate our growth and strength.
These catalysts can be many, but the most common are: the arrival of a disease (our own or someone else’s if we become a caregiver), physical pain, relationships that come to an end, death and pandemics.
Deep down, I believe that life itself is what pushes us to grow and strengthen ourselves. But it is true that we can also flee from these situations, we can deny the disease, we can delegate the task of caring for a loved one to someone else, we can stay in a relationship that does not work, etc.
I think sometimes we are masters at avoiding learning and growth because it reminds us that we must change and we fear change, sometimes we are afraid of becoming someone we do not recognize. But I’ll tell you a secret … change is the only constant in life, join it!
Step 2 – keep calm: When adversity comes, it is common for us to feel paralyzed, in shock because something unexpected happens and that we consider will change our life. And although we deny those things that have happened, a part of our mind does not stop reminding us … because we cannot keep something that worries us in a dark corner of our mind.
I think the key is to stay calm even in the middle of a storm. When we keep calm we don’t resist to what happens and therefore, we suffer less. Remember that in the eye of the hurricane there is a deep and strange calm … that is the serenity that you must find within crises and adversities, that hole made for you to stay in discomfort and unpleasant sensations.
You may be wondering … How can I stay calm in the middle of a storm? … I have a very easy trick and if you read me regularly, surely you know too …
BREATHE!… But breathe consciously, feeling your inspiration and expiration, feel the breath in your body… in your nose, chest and abdomen. And if you want to have a recording on hand for when life brings you adversity, you can download here a meditation made for you.
Step 3 – Observe the lessons: I believe that everything that happens to us, every emotion and thought, is a teacher, they try to help us grow and learn the lessons that each of us must learn (each person has unique lessons to learn in life).
When you stay in adversity and calm down, you are able to go further … you are able to take a little step back to see things with a broader perspective. And when you consciously take this step, you realize that things are not “good” or “bad.” You start to understand that the situations we live in bring lessons that we must learn.
And when you are able to abandon the duality “good-bad”, everything changes, you stop judging what you live and you can see things as they are, with neutrality, with equanimity. I think this is the key point to make us resilient, because our strength is born in the mind.
Step 4 – Change of mindset: After facing a crisis, staying calm in it and starting to distance ourselves from the emotions that tell us that this event is “good or bad”, it is time to change our mentality, our way of seeing and living life.
The wheel of resilience has started and now there is a lot of inside work. Because the change in mindset occurs in everything, not just in unpleasant or unexpected situations.
Getting rid of the concept of duality, of judgments, being able to stay calm in the middle of the storm and learn to see things in perspective, is a true revolution for our mind.
But understand that it is a progressive changeIt means getting rid of beliefs that have been the pillars of your life for a long time, so you have to be patient, you are in a process, go little by little.
Step 5 – Being Resilient: Resilience offers us the opportunity to be optimistic, to maintain hope, to regulate our emotions and thoughts, it helps us to live fully in the present.
Studying on this subject, I have verified that there are many qualities that resilient people possess, but I am left with these 10 …
They know themselves in depth They celebrate life and appreciate everything that comes to them They join in the change, they do not reject it They are creative They are great learners They cultivate their compassion They are optimistic (but a realistic and healthy optimism) They take care of themselves, they take time and rest They live in the present They accept and understand their emotions.
Now it’s your turn to examine yourself … How many of these qualities do you have? Are you resilient?